Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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