cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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