in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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