dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
