You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
