I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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