Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
