Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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