Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
