Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
My liver just had a heart attack.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
