Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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