she smelled like a LAN party
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
