Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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