oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
