ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
it was like eating out sand paper
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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