I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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