I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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