Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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