Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
