I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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