So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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