Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize