u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
