Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
