I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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