I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize