Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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