yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
