Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
