went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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