He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
