Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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