took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize