chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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