Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
