: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
