I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
