that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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