Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
