You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I'm having to shit out rocks
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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