It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I love having hate sex.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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