I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
