And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
