the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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