you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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