Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
