Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
you traded sex for a burrito?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
