At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
