I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
