I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
