Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
