Pregnant stripper...not hot.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
