He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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