Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You're like the curious george of whores
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
