Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
