can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
