O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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