I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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