She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
