he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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