I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
