Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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