i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Come see our sink grown plant.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
