I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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